Bullying Cannot Continue Unless the Right Environmental Conditions Are in Place
"Bullying is so common that it's viewed as almost 'normal,' but it should never be."- Choi Si-won 1 See more quotes here.
Parents can stop and prevent bullying. Teachers can save the bullied, rehabilitate the bullies, and turn bystanders into anti-bullying champions.
I will tell you how in this article.
Bullying in schools and the neighborhood was common when I was young. It comes in many forms and the impact on children varies. Siga2 Siga is a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker , that's what we call the boys who bullied us. Some of the bullies I knew grew old, got married, and became abusive husbands and fathers.
These days in the Philippines, even total strangers can bully us. Cyberbullying happens every day. We adults must have experienced ridicule and humiliation from people we don't know, who looked down on us, and who made us feel unsafe even though we are alone in our locked rooms.
Bullying Isn't Cool.
Were you bullied when you were young? Or have you witnessed someone bullied and nobody did anything to stop the perpetrator?
Many years ago, I thought of writing a memoir that tells the stories of bullies, the bullied, and the bystanders. Most people do not understand these three characters.
Knowing why they do what they do can help us stop bullying and cyberbullying in the Philippines.
When I was in grade 3, I had a classmate who bullied me. He was 13 years old.
I was short, thin, and poor. He was tall, big, and had a wealthy grandmother. He was dull and I was not.
The worst thing about him is that he delights in showing his erected penis to my female classmates. When I told him to stop his craziness, he punched my stomach four times. The punches hurt so much that I almost cried. (I got beat many times before that, but his punches were brutal).
He stopped only because our teacher entered the classroom. The whole class was silent. Nobody said anything.
I was quiet too. But to my mind, I was happy because I stood up to him. I refused to be a bystander. I did not consider myself a victim.
After the class, I told our adviser about what happened.
She cried. I was confused. Later on, I learned that she was a neighbor, and having seen her many times with black eyes and bruises, I understood why.
My classmates did not confront me again. But he continued to humiliate, ridicule, taunt and hurt my classmates. Before the school year ended, he was transferred to another school. I and my classmates were relieved.
We just prayed that he changed his ways so other students won't become his victims.
I know that everywhere, a new bully is born, most victims stay silent, and bystanders continue to believe that they won't be victims.
Cyberbullying is a relatively new crime in the Philippines 3 A Primer on Cyberbullying and Related Laws. The web page lifted most of what you can find in the law. I recommend you read the Q&As near the bottom of the page. It can turn many strangers into online bullies. But bullying in schools, in playgrounds, and at home continues.
I am not here to write a memoir about bullying. I might write one someday. Instead, I am here to tell you what you ought to know about bullying and cyberbullying so you can protect yourself and those around you.
We can flip the stories of abuse. We can change people's lives. We need to stick to Filipino Values 4 Read 27 Filipino Values: Cultural Beliefs that Influence Our Actions Filipinos value malasakit and respect for others..
Anyhoo.
I studied psychology the 5 You can start by reading this article from Psychology Today on bullying. Doing so helped me understand the person who bullies, the bullied, and the bystanders.
I looked for practical and proven steps that teachers, parents, and students could use. We can become the heroes we seek.
We will define bullying, cyberbullying, and other related terms. We will examine actual cases and consider what we can learn from them.
Effects of Bullying
"People say sticks and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt you, but that's not true. Words can hurt. They hurt me. Things were said to me that I still haven't forgotten." –Demi Lovato
I want to tell you about the harmful effects of bullying before I define it, how it is done, and its magnified and most intensified kind: cyberbullying.
We need to learn more about bullying because we want to build a just and humane society. We want to feel safe and secure. Unless we deliberately stomp out bullying, it will have a devastating impact on us – the victims, the bullies, and the bystanders.
Low self-steem and Learned Helplessness
Children regularly targeted by bullies often have social and emotional challenges. They find it hard to make friends and develop healthy relationships.
They tend to develop low self-esteem because they believe they are ugly, fat, and losers. As a result, they feel bitter, angry, helpless, frustrated, lonely, and isolated from their classmates.
The worst thing that can happen to children is "learned helplessness".
Health Issues, Depression, and Suicide
Bumps and bruises are the typical effects of bullying. The cost of physical bullying is often heavier. Kids develop anxiety. And the stress on their bodies often results in a variety of health issues.
Some bullied kids suffer from prolonged depression. Worst, some of them have to commit suicide.
Failed Grades and Anxiety
Karlo was one of the top five students in my class during his first year in high school. Then, in his sophomore year, he started getting failing grades. He skipped classes and lost the motivation to study.
The school intervened. We found out that three senior high school students were bullying him. They belong to a fraternity group, and they threatened him. He developed anxiety.
When confronted, the bullies said that they were just joking.
Students who do not have friends in school are often not motivated to study. Being isolated and excluded in playground games, for example, make someone feel unimportant.
Parents need to monitor children's experiences in school.
Unhealthy Family Relationships
Bullied kids often refused to talk to their parents and siblings. Some are too embarrassed to tell their parents that they are not accepted. Others think their parents cannot help them.
We cannot help our children if they don't talk to us.
We encourage our son to be open and honest with us about things that happen in school.
We want him to know that bullying is not cool, and we can help him by telling us if anyone hurt him verbally or physically.
What Is Bullying?
Based on my experiences, people who bully others have a false sense of entitlement. They believe they have the power to control, dominate, and subjugate others. It is about contempt, not power.
A person who bullies is intolerant of differences. They believe that being different means unequal. And in many cases, they bully to show that they are superior. For this reason, they also have the tendency to exclude others.
Even bystanders, somehow accept these beliefs. They stay silent as they themselves feel inferior. Others choose to side with the bully because they want to feel superior too.
Later on, we will talk about cyberbullying. For those who have experienced the new kinds of cyberbullies, the trolls, you can say that cyberbullying is nothing but bullying magnified by the internet.
For us to have a common understanding, I will try to give you a simple definition. Later, I will cite the legal definition we can find in RA 10627.
This simple definition is inspired by the work of Barbara Coloroso.6 The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander
Meaning of Bullying
Bullying is a willful, deliberate, offensive, and malicious activity of a person who bullies to humiliate and harm another person. Bullies find pleasure in seeing others in pain and in misery because this experience makes them see themselves as more powerful.
Bullies thrive in fear.
Bullying can be verbal, physical, and or relational.
Bullying can be persistent, continual, and repeated over time. But one activity that intends to humiliate and harm others may constitute bullying.
Most of what we know about bullying happens in school. But we know that bullying happens in the streets, workplaces, churches, and places, where there are bullies.
Earlier, I promised to give you the legal definition of bullying.
Bullying as defined by Republic Act No.10627
I took this legal definition from the Implementing Rules and Regulations of Republic Act No.10627 which is also known as the Anti-Bullying Act of 2013.
I am not a lawyer, but at first glance, we can glean that it intends to protect our children against students who willingly play the role of bullies.
One wonders how students can protect themselves from teachers who are bullies. That can be a good subject for the next article.
Let us continue with the legal definition based on RA 10627.
"Bullying" refers to any severe, or repeated use 7 The definition limits it to severe or repeated use. I understand this to mean that even if the action is done one time, as long as it is severe, the action will be deemed bullying by one or more students of a written, verbal or electronic expression, or a physical act or gesture, or any combination thereof, directed at another student that has the effect of actually causing or placing the latter in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm or damage to his property; creating a hostile environment at school for the other student; infringing on the rights of another student at school; or materially and substantially disrupting the education process or the orderly operation of a school; such as, but not limited to, the following:
1. Any unwanted physical contact between the bully and the victim like punching, pushing, shoving, kicking, slapping, tickling, headlocks, inflicting school pranks, teasing, fighting, and the use of available objects as weapons;
2. Any act that causes damage to a victim's psyche and/or emotional well-being;
3. Any slanderous statement or accusation that causes the victim undue emotional distress like directing foul language or profanity at the target, name-calling, tormenting and commenting negatively on the victim's looks, clothes and body;
4. "Cyber-bullying" or any bullying done through the use of technology or any electronic means. The term shall also include any conduct resulting to harassment, intimidation, or humiliation, through the use of other forms of technology, such as, but not limited to texting, email, instant messaging, chatting, internet, social media, online games, or other platforms or formats as defined in DepED Order No. 40, s. 2012; and
5. Any other form of bullying as may be provided in the school's child protection or anti-bullying policy, consistent with the Act and this IRR.
Long sentences and many paragraphs, I know.
You can read the copy of the law 8 Republic Act No.10267 and the IRR 9 Implementing Rules and Regulations of RA 10267 online.
A closer reading can tell you that the law protects our children from bullying when on school premises or in school-related activities. The inclusion of cyberbullying recognizes that because of technology, students can bully other students outside the school.
The law mandates all schools to adopt anti-bullying policies.
I wonder how this law can protect my child from bullies in the streets. I will interview lawyers so we can get a legal answer.
Bullying in Tagalog
There is no direct translation of bullying in Filipino or in Tagalog. That's probably because the early definition of a bully is positive. Being a lover is positive.
At first, I thought it came from the word bull. But I cannot find the connection between a bull and a bully.
Anyhoo. Let's try to explore how bullying is perceived in the Philippines.
A bully in Filipino is usually a maton or a siga. Siga is a tough guy and maton is a neighborhood bully. Both are known for their boldness. As I have mentioned in Bullying and Politics in the Philippines, these local versions of bullies eventually become politicians or are sought-after by politicians.
Kids do not always fear the siga and maton. They follow them. They want to become like this. Until they become their victims.
For victims, that bullies aren't just maton and siga. They become mapang-api. Someone who is mapang-api is oppressive.
Bystanders call a bully a siga or maton. Victims call them mapang-api and mapanakit (someone who hurts others).
There is another kind. The prankster or mapang-asar. This person can be a bully or not. The definition is based on whether the target person got offended or shamed. The general idea is that the mapang-asar only wants to have fun (at the expense of someone).
Based on these nuances, you can say that bullying in Tagalog is pananakot, pananakit, pang-aapi, pang-aasar, panunupil, and pang-aabuso. All represent the difference layers of bullying.
Three Means of Bullying
Living in the slums gets one exposed to more bullying. Those who think lowly of themselves tend to bring other people down when they get the chance.
I am not saying that those who live in exclusive subdivisions do not bully others. Probably they do more cyberbullying than those who do not have internet access.
I can only speak from experience.
Contrary to a common belief, many Filipinos do not have access to technology. There is digital poverty in the Philippines 10 Mapping Digital Poverty in PH
There are three means of bullying: Verbal, Physical, and Social. Each one can harm our children (and even us adults). Combined, these means of bullying can destroy lives.
Verbal Bullying
Verbal abuse can bring the spirit of a child who is on the receiving end. Bullies often get away with verbal bullying. They often say that they are just joking or simply having fun.
Verbal bullies often make people laugh at the expense of the victim. Some people do not outgrow the habit of poking fun at someone. They also bring the habit to work.
I knew of teachers who had the habit of verbally abusing students to get everyone entertained. I was a victim of that two when I was in high school.
Stand-up comedians often get paid for verbally abusing people. The young people who idolize them often imitate what they do. If only they could hear the painful cries of their victims.
Physical Bullying
Physical bullying is the most visible and identifiable form of bullying. It is rarely the first means employed by bullies.
Usually, they will verbally or socially bully a targeted child. When they can get away with these, they use physical attacks.
The bigger and stronger the bully, the more dangerous the attacks become – even if there is no intent to inflict serious harm.
The 13-year-old boy who bullied me when I was 10 started with verbal abuse. He called my female classmates ugly, pigs, dwarfs andiskwater. A few weeks after, he started striking smaller boys in the nape for no reason.
When caught, he said that we were playing.
Social or Relational Bullying
Social or relational bullying is often unseen and hard to detect. Its impact is long-lasting. It diminishes a bullied child's sense of self through ignoring, isolating, excluding, or shunning.
We Filipinos have a strong need to belong. We believe that pakikisama is a virtue that we need to become more valuable in society.
An ignored child, in school or at home, desires to be seen and recognized to feel valuable. Unfortunately, excluded children are often labeled weird, anti-social, or introverted. Introverts can make friends too.
Teachers must see to it that no child is isolated. We need to teach children to be welcoming of others.
Cyberbullying in the Philippines
A year before the pandemic, I joined an FB group that was created to promote the alumni homecoming of my school. I remember posting a question to get more details. I wanted to participate.
Then, I logged out. I was too tired from a day of facilitating team building.
The next day, I read a long thread of former schoolmates who taunted and ridiculed me for writing in English. Someone said that I was too arrogant.
I was surprised. I could not understand how a question like "Where do you intend to hold this?' can be deemed arrogant. These are the same bullies I had to endure when I was in high school.
In the last few years, conversations on FB become more toxic. Strangers quickly called me "Tanga" and "Bobo" for having different opinions. People who easily believe in misinformation and disinformation tend to be very aggressive online.11 In the Philippines, bullying and politics grow together.
Many of us are harassed for speaking our minds. Others are red-tagged because they are helping fellow Filipinos.
This is cyberbullying. Well, not the kind of bullying in RA 10627.
We may call this trolling, harassment, or abuse. Or simply cyberbullying.
Cyberbullying is digital bullying. Bullies use technology to intimidate, threaten, stalk, ridicule, humiliate, taunt, and spread rumors about their target person.
We must also keep in mind that there is no cyberbullying law in the Philippines. Cyberbullying is a type of bullying in the Anti-Bullying Act. And not all cyberbullying activities are punished under RA 10627.
I see many cyberbullying activities on social media. However, since the victims are not students and are school-related, the bullies go unpunished.
The Case of Robredo Sisters
The Robredo sisters were victims of cyberbullying. The intention of those who created the fake sex videos was not only to derail the candidacy of Leni Robredo, but to ridicule and humiliate the sisters.
In my dictionary, this is cyberbullying. But RA 10627 does not protect them because they are not students.
But, this does not mean that the perpetrators will remain unpunished.
The Robredo sisters sought the help of the NBI. Their lawyer will use Republic Act No. 11313 or the Safe Spaces Act. 12 Read Tricia Robredo Asks NBI to go after culprits. I felt that the case is cyber libel. But I am not a lawyer. The Safe Spaces Act needs a city or municipal ordinance. Unfortunately, many cities and municipalities are yet to pass counterpart local ordinances.
Harassment has so many names.
We live in a global village via the Internet, mobile phones, and tablets. These high-tech tools improve the way we communicate and relate with others. In the hands of abusers, they become instruments to harm and humiliate others.
Not all of us can handle abusers that hide behind the monitors of our computers and mobile phones. We need to equip and strengthen ourselves against online abusers. We must also help our children take care of themselves.
Kinds of Cyberbullying
Cyberbullies use the following tools. Knowing these will help both parents and educators handle cyberbullying.
Unfortunately, many Filipino parents are not aware of these kinds of cyberbullying. Those who have internet access spend most of their time on Tiktok. And though this article ranks #1 on bullying in the Philippines, only a few hundred read this every month.
Bashboarding.
They use online message boards to make malicious postings about their target person. Before the Cybercrime Prevention Act, perpetrators thought they could quickly get away with bashboarding.
Leni Robredo, for example, has been the target of many malicious accusations and threats. I also had my share of these threats in 2016 and 2017 during the War on Drugs Campaign of Rodrigo Duterte.
Flaming
Perpetrators send hostile, insulting, offensive, and hateful electronic messages about the target person.
The messages are often sent in emails and instant messages (or chatrooms). For example, I got flamed by people who called me names, probably thinking I would be afraid to express my thoughts again.
Impersonation
To damage your reputation, put you in danger, get you into trouble, sever your friendships with others, bullies pretend to be you.
They get your information (usually available online) and send messages to people you know.
I once found out that I had a doppelganger account on Facebook.
Criminals use impersonation for other online criminal activities, for example, scamming. Therefore, we must teach our children how to secure their online privacy.
Polling
Cyberbullies use online polling to ask and answer cruel questions about you. For example, they ask about your physical appearance, intelligence, and sexuality to make people laugh and ridicule you.
I have not heard of anyone sued because of this. But there is no doubt in my mind that those who participate in polls like these are bystanders who think that answering questions does not make them liable.
Outing
They share secrets, including private information, pictures, and videos, to damage the reputation of the target person.
Sometimes, the intention of outing someone's secret is innocent. For example, kids sometimes share funny photos of their classmates for fun without thinking of the negative psychological effect of the act.
Therefore, we must teach our kids about unintended consequences.
Cyberstalking
Cyberstalkers use the internet to stalk and harass their targets which can be individuals, groups, or organizations.
Cyberstalking can take the form of slander, defamation, or threat. They stalk to intimidate their targets or to gather the information they can use in other crimes, like identity theft or offline stalking.
Filipinos enjoy sharing the events in their lives online. They talk about their love life, favorite foods, friends, birthdays, etc. Cyberstalkers find it easy to get the information they need.
Many years ago, I met someone who had questions about "motivational speaking." She asked to meet me personally. I realized that she's been reading everything about me online during our conversation. No, it was not flattering at all. I felt like I was being watched all the time.
What was harmless at first became very annoying. She sent messages like there was something between us.
Stalkers do not need to communicate with us. Instead, they can watch us — and use what they know to manipulate us.
Denigration
I don't know how to call this cyberbullying. But the intention was clear: the person unfairly criticized me on his website to blacken my reputation in an international organization where both of us are members.
He wrote that I was a combination of a monkey and a penguin, but only uglier. He said that my grammar sucked and my speech evaluations were infantile.
Yes, he mentioned my name on his blog. However, I did not know where the hate came from. We belong to two different clubs, and we never had a conversation.
His fellow members were the ones who regularly invited me to their club. I did not confront him. But reading his blog entries discouraged me from revisiting their club.
While writing this article, I searched for his blog. I cannot find the blog post anymore.
How to Prevent a Culture of Bullying in Schools
I have many good memories of school. I learned most of what I know about relating with and leading people in school. I was not the genius type, but I got elected for class officership every time.
It was also in school that I learned the ugly side of life. Unfortunately, bullying is a large part of that nasty side.
When I was a school teacher, I knew of bullies who got good grades in Christian Education. I heard of students who used their newly learned skills in judo against their classmates.
I also knew power-tripping teachers who find it entertaining to poke fun at some slow students. They never called what they do bullying, for they were only "having fun." But bullying is bullying even when called a different name.
Republic Act No. 10627 requires all elementary and secondary schools to adopt policies to prevent bullying.
But I am yet to read a study on how our schools are doing it. 13 I may need to interview teachers who can tell us about their anti-bullying policies.
Allow me to give the following suggestions to teachers and principals. Unfortunately, I could not speak of these suggestions when I was teaching. But our kids are worth it, so let me share these ideas now.
Launch an anti-bullying campaign.
The anti-bullying campaign must involve awareness, education, and engagement. The campaign does not target persons who bully, for they are victims to some extent.
I recommend that you do it a week or two after school opening. You ought to tell students that bullying is unacceptable in all its forms and names.
You can teach students how not to be a bully, that it is not okay to be a bystander, and there are ways students can do to combat it.
During your Anti-bullying Week, you may include the following activities.
- Get the class to research bullying, and present a role play on how it can be prevented or stopped.
- Have an anti-bullying slogan-making contest.
- Encourage students to share past experiences with bullying.
- Place a box or website where students can anonymously report bullying.
- Invite a speaker from an anti-bullying advocacy group.
- Have a spoken-word competition that promotes anti-bullying.
- Hold story-telling sessions. PDi has done this. 14 How Cris Villonco overcame bullying.
- Present a short film.
- Ask every student to contribute an idea on how to combat bullying, collate them into a book, or publish them on your school website.
- Provide assertive training for students.
- Make teachers aware of behaviors that turn them into bullies.
- Provide training in anger management.
- Review the school anti-bullying policy.
- Have talks on enduring Filipino values like malasakit, pakikipagkapwa-tao, and respect.
- Have a poster-making contest on the destructive effects of cyberbullying.
In elementary grade, I knew of kids who got beaten during recess. We can only watch, praying that we won't be the next victims. There was no anti-bullying law during my time.
But even these days, I seldom hear of schools launching a campaign to ensure that no one gets bullied.
Schools need to launch the campaign many times a year to emphasize that humiliating and dehumanizing others are not cool.
Promote interactions and vulnerability.
In my line of work, I often get requests to train employees on assertiveness and interpersonal communication. I get paid for teaching people how to manage their interactions with other employees.
Many of these communication challenges started in school. You can help students develop the skills while they are still young.
Students need to learn that it is okay to be open and honest.
In some team-building programs, trainers conduct bull sessions. I do not recommend such activity for adults. Likewise, I won't recommend it for kids.
I recommend making them realize that it is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to tell people how they feel. You can use some of my team-building activities in schools too.
I use Fantasticat 15 Find the instruction here. to encourage adults to talk about their strengths, talents, aspirations, and fears. It does not have to be a cat, of course. Instead, I ask them to think of animals representing who they are. The conversation I get from this is so authentic.
At other times, you can ask them to be in a circle. Tell them to pick anything from their bags that represent their feelings. Discussions do not have to be all about school.
I encourage my students to write daily in their journals. I provide them with prompts that help them express themselves. Because of these journals, students learned how to express themselves.
You can also come up with your version of 9 Dimensions.
Keep in mind that your purpose is to encourage kids to interact to become better adults.
Train bystanders to become advocates.
Bullying continues because many of us choose to be bystanders. What we can do in school is train our students to become advocates against bullying.
We must teach children about responsibility. In my book, responsibility is the ability to respond and own the impact of our response on others.
The typical response of students is to play blind when someone is bullied. Or, sometimes, some choose to laugh and mock the victims for fear that they'll be next.
Even if so many people can stop the bullies, most people choose to become bystanders. Unfortunately, adult bystanders often try to ignore getting involved when someone is in distress.
It might be because they did not know how to escape from the bystander effect.
The bystander effect is not a Filipino trait. It happens everywhere. I think it is because untrained people know only two kinds of response: flight and fight.
The third option is to be responsibly assertive.
The bystander effect refers to a phenomenon in which more people are less likely to help a person in distress. In this case, many students, just like adults, won't help the bullied,
It is as if they expect others to do something they refuse to do.
Students know that bullying is unacceptable, but they will not do anything about it because they don't feel they're responsible. They play safe. They don't want to be involved.
What we can do in school is to train our students that it's not okay to watch when bullies hurt someone. They need to understand that if we allow bullies to rule, we make it alright for others to do nothing when we need their help.
Schools need to teach our kids what they are going to do. They need to believe that bystanders can become champions. They can stop bullying by not allowing bullies in schools.
FAQS
Bullying References
If you are looking for references on bullying, I recommend the following:
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to HighSchool–How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle. Barbara Coloroso will help you see the stories of people who played different roles in each bullying story. This will help parents, educators, and kids protect themselves. Buy the book here.
Kids Are Worth It is a talk by Cora Doloroso. Parents can learn how to keep their children intact. Watch the video.
Anti-Bullying Slogans
Are you looking for slogans you can use to promote the anti-bullying campaign in school? You can use the following. Challenge yourself to become more creative.
Remember that kids who bully are still kids. Please find out how you can help them.
Slogans in English
Slogans in Tagalog
I came up with anti-bullying slogans in Tagalog. May the following help you develop a creative and healthy way of encouraging kids to avoid bullying, to not just be a bystander but a hero for someone.
Footnotes
Source: https://jefmenguin.com/bullying/
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